What’s a girl to do?

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There is such a big part of me that wants to find a rich man who will take care of me and make it so that I never have to work again.  I mean, there’s a part of me that wants that.  There’s another part that’s deathly afraid of relying on someone for everything – or maybe even anything.  But definitely not everything.  I have to be self sufficient, and I know I’m too smart to not work at all.  I’m too intelligent to not be using my brain.  But do I have to use it as hard, as often and for as many hours as I currently am?  Can’t there be a happy medium?  

I had a date on Wednesday night.  It was nice.  He was really funny.  But – he lives in a suburb of the city, and just took his first train ride last month.  I don’t even get that.  He also hasn’t done much traveling.  I don’t know.  I’m just looking for something more than what I think he wants.  He emailed me, and maybe we’d get together for another date (if he emails me back after my return email).  Ultimately, though, I know it would never go anywhere, so really, what’s the point?

I have so many ideas of what I’d like to be doing.  Writer.  Start a non-profit.  Why don’t I just get off my ass and do something???  What’s it going to take, I wonder.  If nothing else, I know that life is too short to waste doing something that I do just to get through the day, just to make money.  There’s so much more  to life than that.  Using the poor economy as an excuse seems weak.  I just know that my current job doesn’t allow me to be myself.  Doesn’t let me use all the skills and parts of my personality that make me, me.  So we’ll see.  I may have to start taking steps to the ultimate goal of where I want to be.  Which is not where I am right now.

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